This One Word Is Killing Your Team and Your Buy-In
Many years ago at a time I wasn’t a manager I was in my first staff meeting. To be honest much of the group wasn’t all too thrilled about having to attend these meetings and I can say, neither could I. Maybe it was the fact that we’re expected to sit on the floor? That there was no food? The room was dark and uninspiring? There was no music? I’m not sure why, but I can certainly tell you that this shared feeling throughout the team was a noticeable dent in the culture.
As we mentioned before, these times need to stand out and should be looked forward to. If you’re holding a meeting for the team it damn well better be worth their time. I’m sure all of that added to it but maybe it had something to do with this nagging word that kept popping up throughout the meeting. Every time I heard it it made my brain hurt. To this day I’m sure you still hear it uttered in meetings, on conference calls, during one on ones, and even at social gatherings. During the presentation the manager kept using the word “me, my” or any other personal pronoun denoting ownership of a metric, department or even a person. Every time you hear it you can almost feel cracks creep long the floor of the room you are in in as if employees were metaphorically falling into.
Think about it.
Imagine you’re with a superior at work and their boss whom you’ve never met just walked in. He walks up to your boss and says hello. She reciprocates, then points to you and says to him, “this is my manager Joe”. If there’s ever a time you were to feel like an inanimate object (say a stapler or pencil) I would have to say this is it.
In the instance above, it was the dreadful words “my budget”. The manager at the time even went as far as saying “my rent” on the building. Oh really? I didn’t realize your name was on the front.
Small Cracks Lead to Big Problems
We’re literally laying down cracks in our culture and our vision by using these simple, yet thoughtless, words. We make this mistake all the time and I can’t imagine a better way to separate you from the team. Our goal here is to create and foster that cohesive glue within the group and here we are pulling it apart with thoughtless things like this. If we are to build a community and make people feel special then words like we, our, and us will help facilitate that. By the way, this shouldn’t be something only used strategically at certain times because you feel you have to. It’s more of a mindset shift. We literally have to think this way. If our best foot forward is to align ourselves with our colleagues and work along side them, then this is a required shift in perspective.
I’ve had this conversation with people before and usually they tell me I’m being a bit too sensitive or “…you’re really thinking too much into this”. No way. I feel these small words convey a piece of the larger picture of this person’s thinking and management as a whole. It’s an indicator of either an ego out of control, one that is soon to be, or someone who lacks buy-in.
Maybe many people are not hearing this the way I am? Or every time it’s said, it isn’t having the impact it has on me. I can assure you; if you’re speaking to a group this way then there is someone in that group that feels otherwise. Just that alone is worth thinking and speaking differently.
Well said Nick! Thanks for the reminder
Thanks Jamie!